Bout #1 Atomic Bombshells vs. Garda Belts

The first match of the night began with Mitzi Massacre of the Bombshells and Suzie Smashbox of the Garda Belts touching off for a scoreless jam. The Bonesetter, Marilyn Monrogue, and Lizzy the Axe found answers to Smashbox's speed, leap-frogging past to bury Suzie in blockers. ABS co-captain Cleosplatra broke through the pack in the next jam with GB Angelfire on her wheeled heels. Each earned four points, despite heavy resistance from the ABS front line of Chinese Takeout and Bonesetter. Lizzy blew past the Garda Belt defense next, allowing the Bombshells to go ahead by four in only a minute. Suzie returned to the line against ABS newcomer Sugar Cain, kicked it into top gear on the straightaway, lapped, and sped for five against the Bombshells. Meantime, Cain fell victim repeatedly to off-color Garda Belt blocker Tiki Torture. 9-8 with the GBs in the lead with just over 11 minutes to go.

Jammers Mitzi and Angelfire then fell victim to two very persistent defenses. GB veteran Cupcake blind-sided Mitzi, pulling her into the dead zone of a corner where she fell back behind the pack. Angelfire could not pass the pack before Mitzi returned, and neither scored. A timeout was called, and Wet Spot unleashed the brand-new t-shirt cannon on an unsuspecting crowd.

Demora Liza extended the lead by one in the next jam, but Lizzy the Axe took the lead back for the Bombshells while her opponent, Suzie Smashbox, was sent to the penalty box for accumulated minors. Lizzy stole three points, called off the jam, and flipped the jammer power play to Sugar Cain, who jammed unopposed. 'Genesis 4:8' shot through the pack and put two more points on the board for the Bombshells. Bombshells 14, Garda Belts 11 with four minutes to go. Demora Liza sped for six points the very next jam and, at the half, the score was 17-14 with the Gardas just pushing ahead due to smart blocking on the part of Gardas Tiki Torture and Citizen Pain. Credit should be given to both defenses for the low score; the teams were putting up a tight blocking line and controlling their opposing jammers very, very well.

Buffy the Vampire Skater opposed Angelfire in the first jam of the first half. Although Angelfire almost passed the pack, a well-timed Monrogue hit set her spinning to the back. The Pizza Lucé Player of the Game, Inspectress Gadget, returned the favor on Buffy, and Angelfire broke out of the pack, scoring three points. The next three jams would bring the score to 23-21 in favor of the green team, but Garda Belts were starting to run into serious penalty trouble. GB rookie Dieann Isis took on Mitzi next. Mitzi beat the pack and began to accumulate points from passing a penalty box stuffed with Garda Belts. Ann E Briated stopped the bleeding by pulling down Mitzi and getting ejected for her troubles. Suzie Smashbox took the line unopposed after Mitzi had been sent to the box for retaliation and was able to lap the pack with little resistance.

Quieting the game down for a moment, Angelfire and Lizzy returned to the line with two players from each team in the penalty box – illegal hits were running fast and furious, and the refs were keeping busy. Lizzy took the lead and ... Angelfire goes to the penalty box! This was a tremendous opportunity for the Atomic Bombshells ... and then, suddenly, it got bigger.

Both Hanna Belle Lector and Inspectress Gadget were sent to the penalty box. Only Cupcake was still skating for the Garda Belts and the advantage was Lizzy's to take ... and take it she did. Lizzy scored a full ten points on that jam, pulling the lead kicking and screaming away from the Garda Belts. Score: 33-27 in favor of the Atomic Bombshells with six minutes remaining.

Suzie and Bombshell vet Betty Bruiser returned to the jammer line. Suzie strolled straight through the ABS defense and became lead but both scored two. Demora Liza and Mitzi Massacre took to the track next. Mitzi got herded by Garda Belt Citizen Pain, but tragedy struck the Garda Belts as Demora Liza got sent to the box following an altercation with Marilyn Monrogue that sent Liza to the penalty box while Demora was wearing the jammer star. To be clear, rules dictate that if a jammer goes to the box, there can be no jammer at the starting line for her team in the next jam. At that critical moment, the Garda Belts were without a jammer.

Play continued with two minutes remaining. Cleosplatra jammed alone as the Garda Belts on the track tried to deal with the situation. The game rapidly devolved as the refs missed two major illegal hits by the Garda Belts, including a tremendous tilt-a-whirl takedown on Cleosplatra by Savage Animal. The next jam was stopped prematurely by Lizzy the Axe being pulled down by Garda Belt captain Rumblebee just as Demora Liza returned from the penalty box. With forty-five seconds to go, Suzie Smashbox and Lizzy did not have time to put points on the board, but a flagrant takedown by Cupcake and a pier-six brawl on the back straightaway ended a match that started as a defensive clinic and ended in chaos. The rematch of these two teams will not be one to miss on the 12th.

Final Score: Atomic Bombshells 37 – Garda Belts 29

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Bout #2 Rockits vs. Dagger Dolls

Dagger Doll speedster Roxanne Rolls returned to the jammer line for the first time in 2008 to the cheers of Dolly groupies everywhere. Taking her on was Harmony Killerbruise for the Rockits. Roxanne took the lead jam by a hair and darted ahead of Killerbruise in the lapping sprint. However, the Rockits blockers took down both Sweet Justice and Mary Tyler Roar behind Roxanne, giving Harmony several targets to pass in Roxy's blind spot before the Dagger Doll called off the jam.

Sparkle Ninja took the lead in the next jam and Barbie Brawl shepherded her through the lapping pass with Rockit jammer Vuedoo Prodigy just a few strides behind. Sparkle evened up the score to 6-5 with the Rockits just a point ahead.

The crowd rumbled as longtime rivals Rebel Stella and Jawbreaker stepped to the line, and with the second whistle, the two jammers were off. Stella stole momentum off of fellow Dolly Sinnamin, but it was Jawbreaker who would take the lead. Lapping hard, Jawbreaker blurred past the Doll blockers for a quick four and called off the jam before Stella could earn more than a single point for the Dolls. Dudezilla added to the Rockit lead by four, scoring as quickly as had #86. The first round of jammers completed as Scootaloo (Dagger Doll) and Abbie Mischief (Rockit) came to the line. Scootaloo trounced her way through the Rockit defense for three points despite Harmony Killerbruise's best efforts to lay a check on her. Killerbruise became the first player in the match to be sent to Grandma's Kitchen for her trouble – nine full minutes into the game. The score was 14-9 in the red team's favor.

Roxanne and Harmony returned to the line and Roxanne took the lead jammer. Harmony stole points again from Roxanne's blocker line before the Dagger Doll could call the jam off. Jawbreaker and Sparkle Ninja paired off in the next jam. Ninja grabbed the lead while Jawbreaker got distracted by Scootaloo's strong blocking attempt. However, Sparkle quickly called off the jam as 'Breaker passed her in the sprint.

Early in the next jam, Rockit Vuedoo Prodigy slipstreamed the Doll jammer Rebel Stella to pass through the Dagger defense, but ran into trouble in every sense of the word at the front of the pack as Harmony Killerbruise sent Stella into the corner. Stella recovered and took the lead as Vuedoo struggled to break past Candi Pain and Wonderbroad. Rebel Stella scored on an excellent jam.

Jawbreaker won a quick lead in the last jam of the half while Honeydew Felon sent Mary Tyler Roar into the corner, killing the Doll's momentum. Jawbreaker lapped Mary and the Dagger defense for five points, and at the half the score was 23-17 in another tense, defensive game.

Vuedoo Prodigy took four points from the Dollies in the first jam of the second half, while Sparkle Ninja encountered stiff resistance from Scarmen Hellectra, came up blank, and at the last moment was went to Grandma's Kitchen on accumulated minor penalties.

The bad start got worse; Jawbreaker took to the line unopposed. In a double powerplay position with Sparkle Ninja and Mary Tyler Roar in penalties, 'Breaker sped through her initial pass, took lead jammer, and performed a stunning pirouette over a fallien Roxanne Rolls as she lapped the pack to riotous cheers. Jawbreaker called off the jam as Sparkle Ninja left the box. Harmony Killerbruise extended the lead by five while jamming against Mary Tyler Roar ... and suddenly, the Rockits were ahead 41-17.

Doll jammer Scootaloo took to the line next versus Dudezilla. Neither scored; Scootaloo busted early through the pack, but was stymied at the last minute from scoring by Dudezilla calling off the jam as she emerged legally from the pack as the lead jammer.

The Dolls called a timeout to reassess and sent Roxanne Rolls to the line against Jawbreaker. Although the clock showed eleven minutes to go, the team in pink was losing the ability to come back from a 24-point lead with every loss of a lead jam. Honeydew Felon immediately took down Rolls as Jawbreaker surged past the pack. Neither jammer took the lead and Roxanne could not burst the defense of Rockit blocker Honeydew Felon. In that time, two Dolls went to the Battering Gram's Penalty Kitchen and Jawbreaker was again able to score nine unanswered points. Scootaloo returned to the line against Harmony and scored the first two points of the half for the Dagger Dolls while Killerbruise took the lead and earned four. 54-19 with seven minutes remaining.

Doll fans watched the clock tick by as the pink team came up empty in the next two jams. Vuedoo took a surprise lead on Rebel Stella and called off the jam before the Dagger Doll speedster could up for lost points. Neither Roxanne Rolls nor Abbie Mischief could make a dent on a strong defensive pack in the next jam. Honeydew Felon and the Rockit defense held back Roxy, while Abbie Mischief was ably handled by Lydia Punch and Hell N. Ready. Both jammers got sent to the box as time elapsed on the jam.

Tough-as-old-knee-pad blockers Fixie Chic and Soylent Mean were called in as emergency jammer substitutes to make up for the empty jammer line. Fixie got the lead jam for the Dagger Dolls and scored two precious points, but the jam was called early when Candi Pain got called on a penalty and went backwards to the Kitchen. Soylent Mean – never missing an opportunity to engage a blocker – could not resist and laid a shoulder block on Candi that was heard in Brainerd.

With two minutes remaining, Scootaloo returned to the line against Vuedoo Prodigy. On her very first pass through the pack, Scoots took down Jawbreaker illegally and was ejected by the refs.

Vuedoo broke from the line unopposed in the last jam of the bout, scoring two points and gaining the award of Pizza Lucé Player of the Game. The clock reached zero, and the Rockits completed the regular season by beating every opponent by more than a 2-to-1 ratio.

Final score: Rockits 56, Dagger Dolls 21.

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The stage is set. The teams have three weeks to prepare for the final bout of the season. The championship bout is coming, derby fans. The Golden Skate is nigh. We'll see you on the 12th.

Reporting from where all the women are strong, all the men are accessories, and all the children turn left,
-Garrison Killer

Final Scores:
Atomic Bombshells 37 – Garda Belts 29
Rockits 56 – Dagger Dolls 21

A message from The Alt Bike & Board:
The Alt Grand Jury has broken the mold and has elected two winners of the Alt-Tastic Hit of the Bout for the March 22nd match-ups. We saw some great hits on Saturday and are excited that the girls are having fun being fearless. Our first winner, for her Alt-Tastic hit on Jawbreaker in the first half of their bout, is Dagger Dolls #300, Roxanne Rolls. That girl has a lot of spunk. Then, just when we thought the bout was over, we saw the most daring move of the season. Our second Alt-Tastic hit goes to Dagger Dolls #666, Candi Pain. She is fun to watch play and sweet as candi, but this girl has another part to her name, and at this bout, she showed that she also knows how to bring the pain. Congratulations Roxanne Rolls and Candi Pain for winning the Alt-Tastic Hits of the Bout on March 22nd! Come get your Alt-Tastic Hit helmet sticker, your $30 gift certificate, and a big high five, from The Alt Boys.

Dolls, Rockits Book Date For April in Two Defensive Thrillers
For those of you anxiously awaiting the news ... yes, the Dagger Dolls and the Rockits are in the finals. The Dolls played a fantastic match, beating the Atomic Bombshells by shutting down the their jammers’ threat. The Rockit defense suffocated the Garda Belts with another stunning showcase of defensive prowess.

Bout #1: Atomic Bombshells vs Dagger Dolls
For those of you joining in a little late to Minnesota derby, the Dagger Dolls and the Atomic Bombshells have what sports announcers like to call ‘a little history.’ In 2006, the Atomic Bombshells snatched two of the best and brightest from the Dollies – Marilyn Monrogue and Lizzy the Axe – and the Bombshells took them and beat the tar out of everyone last season. There’s some bad blood there, and fans returning to the Roy were looking forward to Monrogue and Candi Pain having some words – and maybe a little more – out there on the track.

Lizzy started well for the Bombshells, taking the lead from Sparkle Ninja before getting caught up by the Dagger Doll defense. Lizzy decided against ending the jam prematurely, and it almost cost her as Sparkle flashed through the pack. The jam ended, however, with each making seven points.

Mitzi Massacre took her first turn around the track jamming for ABS against Doll Rebel Stella shortly thereafter. Stella fell into trouble with Misfit Maiden booty-blocking and cutting off her momentum as Mitzi took lead jammer. Massacre, however, could not capitalize on the lead as time for the jam ran out. Rebel Stella would be plagued throughout the match by veterans Buffy the Vampire Skater and Misfit cutting her speed every other jam. Misfit would go on to pull 11 blocks for the Atomic Bombshells.

As the first half continued, the Dagger Dolls began to pull away from the Atomic Bombshells. ABS jammers would get minor gains as they pinged past Dolls accruing penalties in Grandma’s Kitchen, but then the Dolls would respond by taking a lead, scoring points, and ending the jam.

With eleven minutes to go, Sparkle Ninja took a jam against Mitzi Massacre. As the volatile pack turned to their opponents, Ninja took the inside line at the turns and walked through the chaos to extend the Dolls’ lead. The very next jam, Scootaloo – doing a tremendous job as a Doll blocker – broke the momentum of ABS jammer Cleosplatra with an illegal hit as ‘Splatra tried to keep pace with Rebel Stella. Mary Tyler Roar continued the pace as Lizzy the Axe struggled against Lydia Punch and the Dolls’ defense.

At this point, the score was 26-17 with the Dolls leading . After an inconclusive jam between Buffy and Scootaloo that had Buffy coming up against a wall named Wonderbroad. Scootaloo was unable to lap the pack before time was called. At the end of the first half, the Atomic Bombshells were behind by eleven, 32-21. While both defenses were doing a tremendous job of shutting down the jammers, Sparkle Ninja and Mary Tyler Roar in particular were still trickling by, grabbing points in gobs of fives and sixes to buoy the Dagger Dolls’ lead.

Whatever it was that the Bombshells put in their PBR during halftime seemed to work as Lizzy the Axe and Cleosplatra responded 1-2 with ten unanswered points to start the second half. The Bombshell defense terrorized the Dolls for five minutes, and I need to take just a moment to spotlight The Bonesetter and rookie Chinese Takeout. #138 and #$1.00 (respectively) have for the past two bouts been skating in formation at the front line of the ABS defense and have done more than their fair share of damage, including a beautiful hit on Rebel Stella in the second jam of the half. Watch for the pair in the next bout. While Bonesetter’s been a stalwart in the ABS defense, Chinese Takeout’s a new player that needs to be watched by the derby faithful.

Mary Tyler Roar and Mitzi Massacre took another four apiece as the final ten minutes approached, the score Dolls 36 – ABS 35. In the following jam, Scootaloo flew past an illegal hit by Marilyn Monrogue, ran into a bone-jarring ‘correction’ from the Bonesetter, yet still scored a couple of points to push the Dolls a bit ahead. Two minutes later, Sparkle Ninja scored three on the ABS in similar fashion as she rope-a-doped Calamity Crush, sending her sprawling. Betty Bruiser, Ninja’s opposing Jammer, fell victim to Barbie Brawl. Barbie, a long-time vet of the Dagger Dolls, had an outstanding night as front blocker and launched many Bombshells into the crowd for Wet Spot to mop up after.

Fixie Chic put a screen on Bombshell jammer Mitzi through the next jam, keeping the veteran from scoring just long enough for Rebel Stella to take three more for the Dolls. Mary Tyler Roar and Cleosplatra took the next jam, and the Bombshell defense – sensing an opportunity – sent everything they had after Mary. The Chinese-Bonesetter Connection held Mary back long enough for Bonnie Rotten to punk out the Dagger Doll jammer (sending Bonnie to Grandma’s Kitchen for tea, biscuits, and a one-minute penalty). Nonetheless, the gap increased just a bit between the two teams.

With four minutes to play and a ten-point margin between the ABS’ score and hope of going to the finals, Lizzy stepped to the line next to Scootaloo. On the second whistle, Lizzy bounded off the jammer line and was able to take lead and four points before coming afoul of Candi Pain and the Doll defense.

The final jam concluded with a final helping of defense keeping the jammers from scoring big, but the match finished with a good old-fashioned, bench-clearing brawl as Calamity Crush took fellow rookie Sinaminn to the woodshed.

With the final whistle, the Dagger Dolls are through to the final in April, and the Atomic Bombshells are booked for the 3rd-place match. Sparkle Ninja was named the Pizza Lucé Player of the Game for her outstanding performance, including getting a bout-high 26 points. Bonesetter, Buffy, and Marilyn Monrogue each took down two jammers in a tremendous defensive display. Final score: Dagger Dolls 50, Atomic Bombshells 42

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Bout #2: Rockits vs Garda Belts
The Garda Belts started out very, very well against the Dagger Dolls in February. They led at half-time by fifteen points but fell apart, losing in the end to the Dollies during sudden death. The Rockits likewise defeated the Garda Belts by working hard from whistle to whistle to keeping the Belts from taking any sustained advantage.

Suzie Smashbox started strong for the Garda Belts and gained four points on the Rockit pack Then – as an entire rotation of Rockit and Garda Belt jammers cycled through – the two teams’ jammers ran right into a swampy mess. Vuedoo Prodigy and Angelfire could not score as both jammers had difficulty passing the entire pack before a fresh blocker would cycle back in front of them. Demora Liza and Jawbreaker were next. Liza – another of the Garda Belt sophomores – debuted in high spirits as she stole a lead jam from Jawbreaker, but called it off during the lapping sprint when ‘Breaker passed her.

In a quick reversal of fortunes, Dudezilla won the lead in the very next jam, but called it off as the Rockit sideline pointed out Suzie’s near lapping of the pack ... still 4-0. Angelfire returned to the line against Abbie Mischief, took the lead and finally scored two points to the Rockits’ one – ending the point drought.

6-1 with eight minutes to play in the first half, the Garda Belts were keeping the Rockits at bay with smart decisions and continuing to take the tactical advantage by grabbing the lead jammer position every chance they could. However, this advantage for the Garda Belts dissipated as Angelfire and Jawbreaker came to the line. Demora Liza was able to shut the door on Jawbreaker earlier by taking the lead and calling off the jam; Angelfire got caught up by Killahertz, could not take the lead, and Jawbreaker broke free for eight points. For the first time that night, the Rockits were ahead.

Demora Liza led the next jam against Vuedoo, and it seemed that the Gardas would quickly answer back. However, a blocker takedown on Garda Belt Citizen Pain allowed the Rockits to gain on their opponents before the jam was called off, 11-7 Rockits.

The last three jams of the period did not bring the Garda Belts closer to the Rockits. Although the Garda Belt defense was able to hold the Rockits to only one more point, Scarmen Hellectra, Coochie Coup, and Soylent Mean (as well as Jawbreaker’s right shoulder – does it have a number yet?) shut down the Garda Belts completely. Suzie continued to walk through the defense, taking tiny hip whips off of her team to build up speed, but simply could not capitalize as the Rockit jammer would take the lead and call off the jam before points were scored. At the end of the first half, the Garda Belts were close on the heels of the Rockits, 12-7, as both teams hit the locker rooms and Dance Band hit the stage.

A brief, scoreless jam between Suzie Smashbox and Harmony Killerbruise started the second half as both teams searched for a rhythm. Vuedoo Prodigy and Demora Liza took the line next; Vuedoo took the lead as Liza ran into Coochie Coup, the Rockit pivot named Pizza Lucé Player of the Game. While Rumblebee worked to clear the road for the neophyte Garda jammer, Vuedoo earned a valuable point in this low-scoring game off the green team. A quick jam followed with Suzie Smashbox taking the lead and calling it off because the opposing jammer – Dudezilla – had gotten a march on her.

Angelfire and Jawbreaker returned to the line, and once again #86 took the lead to the cheers of the crowd, scoring four and calling off the jam before Angelfire had looped through to the back of the pack.

Killerbruise and Smashbox rotated in; Suzie – who went to the jammer line one out of every two of jams in the Garda Belt/Rockit game – took lead. Suzie’s method of using her own blockers for tiny, almost self-made hip-whips on the outside of the straight-aways continued to propel her through the pack and created enough interference that it was difficult for the Rockits to hit her. The Rockits called for a speedup of the pack, and Suzie scored only three on that jam.

Angelfire next had a particularly nasty exchange against Jawbreaker. ‘Breaker took lead and as Angelfire came out of the pack, #86 placed herself directly in the path of Angelfire’s trajectory, braked, and booty-blocked at a miserably slow pace inches in front of the Garda Belt. For a full minute and three full rotations around the track, #86 kept Angelfire at bay with precision slow skating until the Garda Belts slowed the pack enough for the jammers to re-engage. This was very clever work by the veteran Jawbreaker. A jammer can always engage the opposition jammer, and Jawbreaker cleverly exploited that rule: no points taken and the score remained 17-10 with the Garda Belts running out the time. Suzie, however, responded in the next jam by putting up four points for the Garda Belts and blanking Abbie Mischief.

Although there were five more jams, the Garda Belts did not score again. Vuedoo Prodigy took seven points for the Rockits, and the Belts were simply unable to respond in kind. Jawbreaker blocked a pivotal attempt by Suzie to score just long enough for Randi Stroyer to blindside the Garda Belt into the audience. Scarmen Hellectra, Killahertz, and Honeydew Felon all took pains to stop the Irish in their tracks and with a final tremendous jam of Jawbreaker, the Rockits booked their ticket to take on the Dagger Dolls at the finals. Final score: Rockits 30, Garda Belts 14.

And so with one bout remaining, we know who will be playing for the Golden Skate and who will be playing for 3rd. As the schedule would have it, we will be seeing a preview of both two matches at the very next bout ... something that also occurred last year. If last year is any indication, we will see the four teams trying out new combinations and giving players an opportunity to try out new positions. And while the stage is set for April 12th, 2008, be assured that the March 22nd bout will nonetheless be a barnstormer as the Dolls and Rockits each try to make it 3-0 and the Atomic Bombshells and Garda Belts work to avoid last place. See you there.

Reporting from where all the women are strong, all the men are accessories, and all the children turn left,
-Garrison Killer

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Final Scores:
Dagger Dolls 50 – Atomic Bombshells 42
Rockits 30 – Garda Belts 14

A message from The Alt Bike & Board:
The Alt Grand Jury has selected Atomic Bombshells player #13, Marilyn Monrogue, as our fourth winner of The Alt-Tastic Hit of the Bout for her vicious and sometimes suspect hits on the opposing team. Marilyn was chosen for her many shots, most of which put her in the penalty box or occured on the way to the penalty box after a different infraction. Illegal or not, she put out the best hits during the bout and that is how you win the award. For her efforts, Marilyn will be awarded a $30 gift certificate to The Alt and a mean helmet sticker signifying that she should be feared by all other rollergirls around the country.

Bout #1: Atomic Bombshells vs. Rockits

When the 2006-7 season culminated in a glorious battle at the Roy with the Bombshells defeating the Rockits, it was a brilliant end to an undefeated season for the Atomic Bombshells and a bitter ending for the Rockits, who had held the Skate the previous year. Now, the slate was clean again, and all that lingered was memories of last season.

The game began much like their two meetings in the previous season – quick points and fast jams. Veterans Harmony Killerbruise and Lizzy the Axe started the season off with a 4-4 exchange; Harmony had already gotten a quick four as lead jammer and hesitated in calling it off, giving Lizzy enough time to respond with her own four. After a short, scoreless jam between Vuedoo Prodigy and Bombshell captain Buffy the Vampire Skater - noteworthy only in Vuedoo's growing capacity to bait blockers before blowing past them like a bad dream - the bout began to change into a heavily defensive match-up.

The Rockit blocker line turned in a yeoman's performance to make life hell for the Bombshell jammers. Canny, high-scoring Bombshells like Cleosplatra, Buffy, and Lizzy all tried their hand at breaking the Rockits' line dominated by Soylent Mean, Anesthesia, and Jawbreaker's huge shoulder to no avail. The Rockits appear to have stepped up their defensive game in the past year and made it very difficult for the Bombshell jammers to race through their lanes. However, this ass-kicking in turn made it more difficult for a core of Rockit jammers in the first half to fend off checks and blocks by a powerful line of Atomic veterans (as well as Chinese Take-Out, an impressive rookie blocker and Pizza Lucé's Player of the Game). Nonetheless, points were put on the board for the Rockits including 15 by a heart-stoppingly fast Jawbreaker, and by the end of the half, the Rockits were ahead 29-9 in a defensive start to a highly-awaited bout.

The second half started with Vuedoo Prodigy alone at the Jammer line while Buffy the Vampire Skater languished in the penalty box from an out of bounds hit at the end of the first half. Although Vuedoo was able to grand slam her way to five points for her team (dodging an attempt by Supersonik! to use rookie Racey Roughelz as a missile), Buffy charged out of the box, matching #LXIX's jam with five points of her own and taking out the younger jammer with a brilliant hit. In the same jam, Mitzi Massacre took out the Rockit pivot, and it seemed a Bombshell recovery was on its way.

It was not to be. The very next jam, Harmony Killerbruise put nine points on the board as Misfit Maiden went to the box for the third time. Cleosplatra, so often a fount of points for the Orange Team, failed to put a single point against her. By this point – with fifteen minutes to go – the score differential was thirty, the Bombshells were in dire straits, and the next ten minutes simply continued the trend.

While misanthropic Bombshells Marilyn Monrogue, Misfit Maiden, and Mitzi Massacre all individually halted jams by the red team, the new Rockit defensive strategy tended to strand Bombshell blockers far away from the action. Meanwhile, it kept Buffy, Lizzy, and Cleo in a funk not seen from the Bombshells since 2006. Rockits kept increasing the gap as the Bombshells increasingly fell into foul trouble and with four minutes to go, three of the five Bombshells were in the box while Dudezilla grand-slammed her way to a huge eight point jam. The very next jam, Jawbreaker took the line alone, knocked over her own blocker while taking the lead jammer position, and buzzed past the pack twice for ten points of her thirty-three that night as the clock ticked towards zero. By the end of regulation, the score was an impressive 75-21 with the Rockits winning by a remarkable margin that left the Bombshells scratching their heads.

One final note: Rockit veteran H-Bomb's last bout was Sunday night, and we at the Roy will miss her in red and silver. We wish her well.

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Bout #2: Garda Belts vs. Dagger Dolls

Although the Garda Belts and the Dagger Dolls had been knocked out of the race for the Golden Skate early on in the last season, Sunday's bout made it clear that their investment in rookies in 06-07 had paid off. With a year of experience under their belts, second-year veterans from both teams had their coming-out party at the Roy on Sunday.

Starting out at the jammer line, Rookie of the Year Suzie Smashbox of the Garda Belts sparred with Dolls favorite Sparkle Ninja (and fellow '06-07 classmate). Suzie racked up nine points to the pink Ninja's four, and fellow Belt Angelfire (2nd year) followed up for a quick five points as Rumblebee took out opposing jammer Mary Tyler Roar (2nd year). Over the next three jams, the game began to even up as Rebel Stella and Scootaloo (2nd year and Pizza Lucé's Player of the Game) put up nine points to three from Suzie's best efforts.

For the rest of the half, the Garda Belts opened up the scoring gap as Doll veterans and rookies alike fell to second-year veteran Optimiss Crime. Crime sent Stella, Sparkle Ninja, and Scootaloo sprawling to keep the Dolls from scoring while Garda jammers Suzie Smashbox and Rumblebee brought the end of the half to a close with a fifteen point lead, Belts 37- Dolls 22.

The second half began with Sparkle Ninja and Suzie Smashbox returning to the jammer line for a short jam interrupted by a hasty cleaning of the track. Mary Tyler Roar and Angelfire were next up, and while the Irish Angel got into trouble with Scootaloo, Dagger Doll Mary cut loose from the pack with an eight-point jam to Angelfire's five.

In the following three jams Doll jammers Rebel Stella, Scootaloo, and Sparkle Ninja dropped a combined 21 unanswered points onto the scoreboard, sending the Dolls ahead 51-42. Suzie Smashbox for the Garda Belts responded with eight points, bringing the game to within a single point with about nine minutes remaining on the clock. After a four-point jam by Stella and a quick time-out, the Garda Belts steadily put points on the board while Garda Belt blockers Tiki Torture and Optimiss Crime kept the opposing jammers from continuing their lead until with less than two minutes remaining, Suzie Smashbox returned to the jammer line, the score 60-58 with the Garda Belts behind. Smashbox broke through the Dolls to take lead jammer position, and shot through a second time for four points to the Dolls' two. Twenty seconds later, the crowd erupted in cheers as the Minnesota RollerGirls were in sudden death for the very first time.

Sudden death in roller derby can be explained very simply:
• Two minutes are put on the board with no jammer able to become lead.
• Points are accrued by the jammers on the FIRST pass, not on the second lap.

In came Suzie Smashbox and Rebel Stella, who had scored the most points for their respective teams (22 at that point for Stella, 31 for Suzie), and as they battled off the second whistle, Suzie had a slight lead. Stella quickly fell into trouble with Garda Belt Citizen Pain, and Suzie smashed her way through the pack for four points. Just as Suzie was gearing up for the race of her life with a sizable head-start on Stella, the young Garda Belt jammer got sent to Grandma's House for accrual of minor penalties. Rebel Stella took the opportunity to put six points on the board, just enough to snatch victory for the Dagger Dolls with a final score of Dagger Dolls 68 – Garda Belts 66. One hell of a nailbiter.

In two weeks, both winning teams will switch adversaries as the Rockits will face the Garda Belts and Atomic Bombshells rain down on the Dagger Dolls. We'll see you here at the Roy on March 8th.

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Final Scores:
Rockits 75 - Atomic Bombshells 21
Dagger Dolls 68 – Garda Belts 66

Reporting from Saint Paul is Minnesota RollerGirls Sideline Reporter
- Garrison Killer

A message from The Alt Bike & Board:
After much deliberation, The Alt Boys Grand Jury has selected The Garda Belts' #0110, Optimiss Crime for the third Alt-Tastic Hit of the Bout for the "Ocupational Hazards" bout on February 24th. Optimiss was selected for her continual brusing of the other team. She is definately a force out there and should be feared by the rest of the league. For that we feel that she deserves this award as well as a $30 gift certificate to The Alt and a Alt-Tastic Hitter sticker she may proudly rock on her helmet. Thank you Optimiss for making the other rollergirls hurt so good.

The Minnesota vs. Charm City (Baltimore, MD) bout was a nail biter fo' sho', resulting in a shocking 69-73 upset for Minnesota. After starting out on a bad foot (or skate) during the first jam due to a serious skate malfunction for Charm City's jammer, Cherrylicious, the girls from Baltimore rocked the first half. Flo Shizzle racked up 12 points but Minnesota's Jawbreaker and Angelfire pushed back, earning 8 points each. The speed and agility of the jammers on both teams was rivaled only by the rock hard hits from both teams' blockers - consistent, hard, "it makes my tush hurt to watch" kind of hits that never seemed to let up. Charm City's Dolly Rocket and Coach Ballbricker and Minnesota's H-Bomb, Suzie Smashbox, and Harmony Killerbruise, Pizza Lucé's Player of the Game, laid skaters out left and right. Vuedoo Prodigy pushed through a pack as tight as a fat lady's girdle - coming out as lead jammer, and bringing the game to a tie of 27-27 right at the end of the first half of this matchup.

The second half set a combative and dramatic tone for the game's end when Rumblebee took down Charm City's Dolly Rocket, spending a few precious moments of her birthday in Grandma's Kitchen (the newly christened penalty box). Thereafter, Jawbreaker earned lead jammer status, but joined Scootaloo and Rumblebee in the kitchen, leaving only three Minnesota girls manning the track and a huge opportunity for Charm City's Flo Shizzle to put up a 9-0 jam. By the penultimate jam, both teams had a player serving a penalty, but Minnesota showed off their amazing defense and Suzie Smashbox brought an 8-1 jam to bring Minnesota back to a scarce two points of Charm City's lead. With 1:33 left on the clock, the tension intensified with a last-minute jammer switcheroo from Minnesota. (It's Jawbreaker jamming ... wait no, it's Harmony ... wait no, it's VUEDOO? Yes, Vuedoo, jamming against Flo Shizzle.) Vuedoo kept this last, gut-wrenching jam tight but was knocked clear out by a blatantly dirty and major penalty-worthy hit from a Charm City blocker. Minnesota fans sighed disappointedly as the game ended 69-73.

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Minnesota first played Phoenix's Tent City Terrors at the 2006 Dust Devil in a grudge match for Third Place. Though AZRD won that game and left Minnesota with a hard-fought fourth place, things have changed since February 2006. AZRD and MNRG alike have dropped in the WFTDA rankings, holding #12 and #11, respectively. With side by side rankings, the MNRG was hoping to blow that one out of the water and send Phoenix even lower on the list. With both rosters almost entirely different than the 2006 matchup, who knew what might happen?

Minnesota started Lizzy the Axe jamming against Babe Ruthless and quickly gained lead jammer and control of the game. By only the fifth jam, the score was 14-5 in Minnesota's favor. Demora Liza jammed consistently right through the pack and proved nearly immovable in taking hits, earning the title of Pizza Lucé Player of the Game. When Roxanne Rolls made a huge 9 points in the next jam, the game was effectively over. Though the AZRD blockers kept some hard hits flying, their jammers just couldn't keep the speed to make it through the Minnesota defense. Half time ended with the score at 51-9 Minnesota.

Though the second half saw AZRD get some more points on the board, they were never near endangering Minnesota's lead. A big surprise came when MNRG's Misfit Maiden got ejected in the second jam due to tackling and throwing a punch to the chin of Candy Cannons. An EMT was called but Candy recovered okay as Misfit stormed off. After that, Arizona was getting nowhere by matching Minnesota's speedy pace in the pack, gaining pointless penalties galore, and starting a few fights (one of which saw Babe Ruthless ejected and Lizzy following her for participating). Arizona employed the controversial strategic move "Runaway P..." (um, it rhymes with "wussy") several times, splitting the pack and yet not being called on it. Still, this did little but keep both jammers from scoring points. Three ejections later this game ended 87-24 with a big "W" in Minnesota's column.

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Final Scores:
Minnesota RollerGirls' All-Stars Aqua (11) 69 - Charm City Rollergirls (22) 73
Minnesota RollerGirls' All-Stars Army (11) 87 - Tenty City Terrors (12) 24

Minnesota RollerGirls Sideline Reporters
Fixie Chic & Mitzi Massacre

A message from The Alt Bike & Board:
The Alt Grand Jury has selected Rockits player #86, Jawbreaker, as our second-ever winner of The Alt-Tastic Hit of the Bout for her numerous hits on the Tent City Terrors and the Charm City Rollergirls in both of Minnesota's bouts on December 8, 2007. Jawbreaker was chosen for her multiple shots but most specifically for the hit she put on one of the pivots from the opposing side. Her skates were still in the air when her back hit the floor. The girl continued to be in pain for quite a while following the hit while she was sitting in the penalty box. One more accolade for her already lengthy awards sheet. Congratulations Jawbreaker!

Please return your seats to their original, upright position. I swear I felt my ears pop as we watched the Denver Roller Doll's Mile High Club fly in to take on the Minnesota RollerGirls' Atomic Bombshells. Denver dominated the game from the moment it started, with unstoppable jammers Slick Vick, Angela Death, and Jersey Trouble lighting up the score board. Didn't help matters that the Bombshells were lining up to get into the penalty box, including rookie Bad Dream who surely gave the Mile High Club its fair share of nightmares. Another Bombshell rookie, Punishment Patty went down with a broken leg while Calamity Crush stepped up to introduce herself as an up-and-coming jammer. Alt-Tastic Hitter Lizzy the Axe was able to take bites out of the deficit every time she jammed and Bombshells Misfit Maiden put the hammer down throughout the bout, earning the Pizza Lucé Player of the Game.

The Duke City Rollergirls All-Stars, the Munecas Muertas of Albuquerque, New Mexico made a wall that even the most turbo powered Rockit jammers struggled to get through. Of course, Dudezilla was able to sneak through, not just once, but over and over, and was an obvious choice for Pizza Lucé Player of the Game. Jawbreaker and Pain Gretzky put up their own wall, slowing down the Munecas' fast footed Muffin and killer Kamikaze Kim. The nail biting went up right to the end, with the scores neck and neck, but in the end, the Munecas triumphed over the Rockits by only five points, with the score in the favor 81-76.

Final Scores:
Minnesota RollerGirls' Atomic Bombshells 71 - Denver Roller Dolls' Mile High Club 117
Minnesota RollerGirls' Rockits 76 - Duke City Rollergirls' Munecas Muertas 81

Minnesota RollerGirls Sideline Reporter
Fixie Chic

A message from The Alt Bike & Board:
The Alt Grand Jury has selected Atomic Bombshells player #41, Lizzy the Axe, as the winner of The Alt-Tastic Hit of the Bout. Lizzy was chosen for her multiple shots but most specifically for the hit she put on a Denver player who had celebrated her point-scoring jam a bit prematurely. Congratulations Lizzy the Axe!

The Minnesota RollerGirls' fourth season opened on October 20th, 2007 by bringing two other "flyover states"' derby talents into the Roy Wilkins Auditorium to challenge home teams, the Garda Belts and the Dagger Dolls. The No Coast Derby Girls' home team, the Hood Ratz, caravanned in to St. Paul to take on the Dagger Dolls while the Garda Belts welcomed the Cincinnati Rollergirls' All-Star team in hopes of redemption from their loss in Ohio this past June.

The Dagger Dolls started the first jam of game with a line-up intended to intimidate and shut down the Hood Ratz, which happened almost immediately as Barbie Brawl held off the Ratz' jammer and Roxanne Rolls quickly lapped the pack. The first half continued with the Dolls racking up points unabated and exhausting the Hood Ratz in the process. At Halftime, the points were spread 38-12 in favor of the Dolls. And so, with the win all but secured, the game became more about schooling the Hood Ratz and showing off the Dagger Dolls' much improved talent from last year. Sparkle Ninja's jamming was noticeably more confident this year and Scootaloo not only jammed the highest number of points per jam but butt-blocked and slammed the opposing jammers around so much that she took Pizza Luce's Player of the Game award for the matchup. The Dagger Dolls easily finished the game at 81 points to the Hood Ratz' hard-fought 26.

The Garda Belts' bout against Cincinnati was, unfortunately for the Garda Belts, a one-sided affair early into the first half. Cincinnati's All-Stars boast a stand-out jammer, Sadistic Sadie, who jammed nearly half the game. The Gardas' were unable to keep a lid on Sadie; only a few strokes and she was out of an otherwise tight pack of green. But the Gardas put the hurt on Cincinnati as best they could with Rumblebee throwing shoulders, dreads a-flyin. Into the second half, it got personal and blood began to boil as Sadie's taunts became palpably aggressive with every pass. Then, while jamming, Rumblebee was penalized for a take-down that involved some attempted blows. Later, Cupcake earned the first ejection of the season when she illegally blocked and pulled down a Cinci blocker, in the process landing a skate where it shouldn't be. Like the Dagger Dolls, the Garda Belts displayed the results of intense practices. A newbie last year, Garda jammer Angelfire had only one bout of experience before an injury benched her for the season. This bout Angelfire returned to the track unshaken and proved herself to be a strong, stable, and highly capable jammer and was named the Pizza Luce Player of the Game.

Final Scores:
Dagger Dolls 80 - No Coast Roller Derby Hood Ratz 26
Garda Belts 51 - Cincinnati All-Stars 119

Minnesota RollerGirls Sideline Reporter
Mitzi Massacre

The calm before the storm rolled in to the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium Friday night. RollerGirls let everything hang out in the final bout before the much-anticipated season championship. Leg whips, arm whips, hip checks, and ejections were present on this night. Frenzied fans cheered the festivities in an electric atmosphere.

DAGGER DOLLS VS. GARDA BELTS
The first match-up of the night put the winless Dagger Dolls up against the winless Garda Belts. The Dagger Dolls were determined to chalk up a win on this night and put forth a scrappy effort. As usual Candi Pain led the way with some huge hits for the Dagger Dolls. Teammates Miss Adventure and Barbie Brawl made a splash with some nasty hits of their own. Physical play is definitely the Dagger Dolls strong suit but it could not stop the Garda Belts' well-schooled jammers. The first half ended with a late hit by Candi Pain on Desi Cration. The score was close but in favor of the Garda Belts, 42 – 29.

The second half was just as exciting as the first. Desi Cration and Suzie Smashbox lit up the rink with four-wheeled firepower. The rookie sensation Suzie Smashbox is definitely a favorite of the crowd. Cheers echoed through the halls each time she donned the jammer's star. The Dagger Dolls fought back fiercely on the scoreboard and nearly extinguished the Garda Belts' lead in the last jam. Gutsy efforts by Galaxia, Mary Tyler Roar and Roxanne Rolls nearly gave the Dagger Dolls their first win of the season. The whole bout came down to the final jam as Roxanne Rolls went head-to-head with Desi Cration. Roxanne played one of smartest, most memorable jams in derby history, but Desi Cration was able to hold the lead. The Garda Belts squeaked by the Dagger Dolls with a score of 87 – 83.

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ATOMIC BOMBSHELLS VS. ROCKITS
Where or where has Jawbreaker gone? That's what the crowd was wondering. This was a close battle of two undefeated teams and the Atomic Bombshells and the Rockits fought for rink supremacy. Superstar jammer Jawbreaker spent the night blocking for a new crop of Rockits jammers. Dudezilla and Harmony Killerbruise honed their jamming skills and made a quality showing. The Atomic Bombshells had explosions on their minds and left a wake of Rockits craters in their wake. Lady Killher, Lizzy the Axe, and Misfit Maiden established their physical presence very early. The first half was low scoring but full of monster hits. The half ended all knotted up at 28 – 28.

The second half opened up with The Bonesetter annihilating Rockits with every stride. Lizzy the Axe and Jawbreaker exchanged a series of meat bruising hits to the crowd's delight. Amongst all the hits, Lizzy the Axe managed to give the Bombshells a nine-point lead on the opening jam, and they never looked back. The Bombshells continued the attack and were relentless. Lexy Lawless, Dragon Chaos and Misfit Maiden continued to pound on the Rockits' jammers. The Bombshells held on to the lead and will head into the championship bout undefeated. The final score was 76 – 58.

Minnesota RollerGirls Sideline Reporter
J.J. Rockswell

The second home bout of the year was a memorable one. This night gave the spectators everything they could hope for. Full-blown fisticuffs, spectacular jams and front row crowd collisions were served up in massive helpings.

GARDA BELTS VS. ROCKITS
The defending champion Rockits took on the Garda Belts in a battle of skating wits and physical domination. It was a close-fought battle from start to finish. Scoring was low but the hits were high and hard. Cupcake and Desi Cration threw their bodies around in an attempt to slow down the Rockits' jammers. Hanna Belle Lector exposed her hitting skills by taking out two opposing skaters with one huge hit. All the physical play from the Garda Belts could not slow down the powerful jammers from the Rockits. The Rockits superstar Jawbreaker stole the spotlight once again! Jam after jam Jawbreaker plowed through the pack and took the lead jammer position. She used her powerful strides to cut through the opposing blockers like a hot RollerGirl knife through butter. The crowd cheered with glee every time Jawbreaker passed through the pack untouched. Harmony Killerbruise and Vuedoo Prodigy complimented the Rockits impressive jamming corps.

The Garda Belts used their nasty jammers Desi Cration and Suzie Smashbox to even the score. Desi Cration took time out on each jam to throw some Rockits skaters around and still had time to put points on the board. Suzie Smashbox proved her rookie debut was not a fluke and put up some impressive jams. The crowd let her know they liked what she could do. A new fan favorite in the making? We'll wait and see.

An awesome bout like this should never end! But the Rockits played their defending champion card and eked out a victory at the end by a score of 67 to 58.

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ATOMIC BOMBSHELLS VS. DAGGER DOLLS
The second match up of the night will not be soon forgotten. The new-look Atomic Bombshells took on the Dagger Dolls. A hard-fought battle ensued as the female gladiators took to the rink. The Bombshells took the lead early in the bout and never looked back. The Dagger Dolls had no answer for the explosive jammers from the Atomic Bombshells. Lady KillHer, Mitzi Massacre and Lizzy the Axe put the Bombshells out in front with unstoppable jams. The frustrated Dagger Dolls tried to turn the tide by wrinkling some skirts. The Dagger Dolls' nasty hitter Candi Pain took out some aggression on The Bonesetter by throwing her to the floor and tenderizing her torso. The crowd was definitely into that! Not long after that, Candi Pain took on her former teammate, Marilyn Monrogue in another battle of flying female fists. The crowd enjoyed this as well!

The lopsided score came from spectacular jams and excellent team blocking strategies. You could definitely see teamwork coming from the ranks of the Atomic Bombshells all night long. The fluid teamwork shutdown the Dagger Dolls offense and they could not recover. To add insult to injury, late in the bout the Atomic Bombshells' Miss Congeniality Marilyn Monrogue took a disliking to the all-star jammer Rebel Stella. Fueled by cheers from the crowd Marilyn tackled Stella and served her a few knuckle sandwiches and a side order of elbow delight. This was the fight of the night!

This lopsided victory came to an electrifying end with the Bombshells on top by a score of 92 to 25.

ATOMIC BOMBSHELLS VS. GARDA BELTS
A brand new crop of rookie skaters took to the rink for the first time in competition to display their skills to the Roller Derby world. The new recruits made a spectacular showing. Rookie sensations like the Garda Belts' Suzie Smashbox and the Rockits' Harmony Killerbruise will keep the veteran skaters looking over their shoulders all season long. Suzie Smashbox made quite an impression when she won the MVP award on her inaugural night!

The Atomic Bombshells and the Garda Belts faced off first. New to the Bombshells, Lizzy the Axe and Lady Killher abused the Garda Belts all night long. Hit after hit came from these two veteran punishers. They singled out the Garda Belts' Rumblebee and left her laying on her back most of the night. Cleosplatra, Glam Slam, and Betty Bruiser pitched in as jammers for the Bombshells and built up a substantial lead. Desi Cration and Hanna Belle Lector bruised some butts and blackened some eyes with a few huge hits on the Bombshell skaters. New skaters like Citizen Pain, Savage Animal, and Angelfire will add excitement to the Garda Belts roster this year. But on this night, it wasn't enough.

This was a lopsided match-up. The Bombshells cruised to an easy victory of 115-44. Their performance made the competition stop and take notice of the new and improved Atomic Bombshells!

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DAGGER DOLLS VS. ROCKITS
In the second bout, the Dagger Dolls, with many new recruits and a few team swaps, took on last year's season champion Rockits. The Rockits added some new rookie talent to their roster as well, including the standout jammers Dudezilla and Harmony Killerbruise. The imposing Dagger Doll jamming duo of veterans Roxanne Rolls and Rebel Stella could lead to big things for the Dagger Dolls.

Jawbreaker faced off against the rookie Mary Tyler Roar in the first jam. Crowd favorite Jawbreaker quickly shot through the pack and left the rookie in her wake, putting the Rockits in the lead. Pain Gretzky dished out some pain on the speedy Dagger Doll jammer Roxanne Rolls, dumping her twice in one jam. Pain Gretzky didn't stop there; she was a busy girl pushing the opposition around all night long. Norah Torious tried to even things out and dumped three Rockits with one huge crowd-pleasing Dagger Doll hit. The Rockits' rookie jammer Harmony Killerbruise impressed the crowd with her skills. She faced off with one of the game's quickest skaters, Roxanne Rolls, and gave her a run for her money. The Dagger Dolls bad girl Barbie Brawl welcomed the rookie with a wicked elbow and sent her flying. Nothing comes easy in roller derby!

Bruises were more plentiful than points in this match-up. Candi Pain and Barbie Brawl rocked the Rockits skaters with some nasty hits. Candi Pain, exhibiting perfect RollerGirl etiquette, tackled Jawbreaker as she tried to pass her. Cheers came forth for some good old-fashioned fisticuffs, but the referees broke it up before the fists could fly.

The Rockits squeaked out a low scoring victory by a score of 47-33.

The formidable Minnesota RollerGirls played host to the No Coast Derby Girls of Nebraska. The Mad Maxines, Nebraska's traveling team, are in their first year of interleague play and they put up a solid effort, but were out skated by the more experienced Minnesota RollerGirls. Minnesota sent them back to Nebraska with a shellacking.

The first period was chock full of everything that derby has to offer. Fast skating, hard hitting, and hot skaters. Minnesota's powerful jammers skated with ease through Nebraska's defenses. The speed of Roxanne Rolls and Rebel Stella blew away the Mad Maxines' blockers and they snuck through unscathed time after time. With tremendous blocking efforts put forth by Rumblebee, Pain Gretzky, and Marilyn Monrogue, the gaps were opened up for Minnesota to skate through. Jammers Jawbreaker and Desi Cration used their hard-hitting style to clear a path of their very own right through the pack. The track was littered with Mad Maxines throughout every jam. Jawbreaker and Roxanne Rolls unleashed the famous 'leg whip' and brought the crowd to its feet over and over. Period one ended with a Minnesota lead of 57 to 9.

The second period boiled over with a physical onslaught from both sides. Girls exchanged huge hits and tempers flared. Entering into turn three, Candi Pain was taken down hard by Chazie Skateweather. Payback came swiftly as Jawbreaker took out two Mad Maxines on the front stretch. The crowd wanted a brawl but cooler RollerGirl heads prevailed and order was restored. But the hitting instantly intensified. Skaters from both sides were crashing into the crowd on nearly every jam. Front row spectators left with bruises as souvenirs. It doesn't get any better than that!

More of the same came in the third period. Nebraska continued to hit and Minnesota hit right back. With all of the bone crunching hits, it was easy to miss the spectacular skating exhibitions put on by Roxanne Rolls, Jawbreaker, and Buffy the Vampire Skater. Rumblebee and Lizzy The Axe continued unleashing perfectly timed blocks and shoulder checks to clear lanes in the pack. The Minnesota RollerGirls dominated the opposition once again and came through with a phenomenal victory of 195 to 28.

The score certainly did not reflect the effort put forth by the Mad Maxines. Nebraska never gave up and displayed some devilish talent. Devilynn Wheels and Sylivia Bullet made solid showings as jammers. Lizzy Fistface and Chazie Skateweather displayed significant body checking talent. All their efforts were stymied by the first-class play from Minnesota. With some more experience under their belts, the Mad Maxines will be a force to be reckoned with.

The Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium was alive and kickin' on Saturday night. Huge numbers of adoring fans turned out to support the Minnesota RollerGirls as they hosted the Ohio Roller Girls for an interleague derby collision.

Rebel Stella took the first jam of the night. As always, the crowd erupted at the sight of their favorite glam jammer. With lovely dreadlocks in tow, Stella cut through the Ohio defenses without even wrinkling her skirt. Buffy The Vampire Skater, Jawbreaker, and Lady KillHer followed suit throughout the melee with highlight-reel jams of their own. Buffy exhibited skating finesse as she zigzagged through the pack. Jawbreaker's blazing speed simply rolled over the opposition. Minnesota exhibited some trickery as well. On two separate occasions, Minnesota jammers pulled off the old "jammer switch-a-roo" by handing off the jammer star to the pivot, swapping positions in mid jam. With fresh legs carrying the star, Minnesota was able to increase their lead and excite the crowd, a popular "two-for-one" deal at the Roy.

The play was exceptionally physical on both sides. Candi Pain, Rumblebee, and Lizzy the Axe acted like female wrecking balls as they plowed through opposing skaters. All three of these tough ladies hit with a vengeance, and sent Ohio skaters careening into the crowd. Ohio jammers Barracuda, Foxy Force, and Holly Hotwheels could not handle the Minnesota blockers and spent much of the night picking themselves up off the floor from bone jarring hits. Ohio put up a commendable effort, especially for a team at the end of only its first season, and over the course of the evening they sent many Minnesota blockers to the floor and into the crowd. But they had difficulty connecting with the Minnesota jammers who snuck through the pack largely unhit.

Rebel Stella stole the show with a "leap-frog" move that shook the rafters of the Roy. Separated from the pack, Stella took a moment to play "leap-frog" with another Minnesota skater, not once, but twice! Entertaining moves like that won the favor of the crowd and brought the fans to their feet. Jawbreaker soon followed suit with her patented leg whip. Late in the second period as the skaters entered turn one, Jawbreaker flung Roxanne Rolls into the turn with a perfectly executed leg whip. This radical move is quickly becoming a fan favorite and always sends a wave of excitement through the home crowd.

The scoreboard was lopsided from start to finish. The opening period ended with Minnesota on top of Ohio by a score of 55 - 10. The final tally was a whopping victory of 142 - 55. The Minnesota jammers had an easy night thanks to the hard-core effort put forth by their blockers. The hard hits and impenetrable blocking exhausted the visiting Ohio Roller Girls. With solid defense and some newfound offensive moves like the leg whip and the old "jammer switch-a-roo," Minnesota once again established itself as one of the best squads in the world of flat-track derby. You gotta see it to believe it!

The much anticipated matchup between Madison's Dairyland Dolls and the Minnesota RollerGirls was a battle for the ages. The evening was filled with skilled jammers strutting their stuff and the heavy hitters dropping bombs along the way. The fans turned out in big numbers and supported the RollerGirls with some serious noise.

The RollerGirl's all-star jammer, Jawbreaker, made her presence known early in the bout with a huge check on the Dairyland Dolls' super jammer, Mouse. Mouse may be small, but she proved to be very nimble. She slipped through cracks in the Minnesota RollerGirl defenses all night long and pestered the opposition with her quick moves and sneaky ability to skirt blocks. Mouse was a big factor in the Dairyland Dolls' victory.

Early in the first period, Jawbreaker excited the crowd with a sling shot move that catapulted RollerGirl jammer Mitzi Massacre into the lead. Mitzi made a stellar showing in the bout, putting up a number of solid jams. When Mitzi wasn't jamming, she was busy throwing her weight around blocking for her jammers.

Jawbreaker and Mitzi teamed up again early in the second period and put together a nine-point jam to close the gap. Jawbreaker racked up points behind some sweet blocks from Mitzi Massacre and Rumblebee. The crowd was vocal and momentum seemed to be swinging in favor of the RollerGirls. Then the Dairyland Dolls sent out Jewels of Denile to set things straight. Even with Desi Cration dumping Jewels three times during the jam, Jewels managed to score six points and open the gap again.

The final period was filled with excitement as the RollerGirls attempted a final charge. The Dairyland Dolls teamed up on Mitzi Massacre to open the third period. Big hits on Mitzi came from Jenny Knoxsville and Crackerjack. Roars from the crowd filled the arena for the final jams, as Desi Cration, Jawbreaker, Lady KillHer, and Lizzy the Axe attempted to even the score. Marilyn Monrogue mixed things up a bit near the end by tackling an opposing skater and taunting her "RollerGirl" style. The crowd pleaded for fisticuffs but cooler heads prevailed.

The Minnesota RollerGirls could not defend the skating assault mounted by the Dairyland Dolls. The Dolls brought plenty of game and delivered a stinging loss to your beloved Minnesota RollerGirls. Helmets off to The Dairyland Dolls for their impressive 96 to 80 victory.

The roller derby season exploded into motion Saturday night at The Roy. The Minnesota RollerGirls welcomed the Tampa Bay Derby Darlins in an interleague match up. Your Minnesota RollerGirls rang some southern belles in a lopsided victory 144 to 65.

Minnesota dominated the evening on the scoreboard and on the track. Perfectly executed blocks stonewalled the Tampa offense. Sweat spraying checks left enemy jammers sprawling on the concrete. Lightning quick skating left opposing blockers swinging at empty air. This was an exhibition of roller derby done right. The Minnesota RollerGirls showed the home crowd why they are ranked #4 in the nation.

Minnesota punished Tampa's leading jammers all night long. Hard checks and impenetrable blocks kept Tampa at bay. Joan of Ache and Eve L. Twin spent much of the bout lying on their backs amongst enemy spectators. Tampa responded with some big hits of their own, but couldn't mount a charge. One such hit sent Pattywack crashing through the crowd and slamming into the stage. In tough RollerGirl style she lept back to her skates as if to say, "Is that all you got?"

Although physical play ran rampant, the real story was the Minnesota jammers. Buffy the Vampire Skater, Pattywack, Lexy Lawless and Desi Cration tore up the track with unstoppable jams all night long. Desi Cration proved her skills as an all-star jammer on this night. After leading a long jam, Desi finished off Eve L. Twin, dumping her on the track and hurdling over her to end the jam. RollerGirl fans filled the air with a chorus of deafening cheers.

Buffy the Vampire Skater put up all-star numbers in easy fashion. She sped around the track with effortless strides racking up points with class and flare. Tampa had no answer for Buffy's jamming skills, except for hooligan-like retribution. As Buffy celebrated an exciting jam during the second period, the Tampa pivot blindsided her after the whistle sending her flying off the track. The crowd protested the cheap shot with jeers and boos. Minnesota simply retaliated with more unanswered points.

The score was lopsided but the effort was not. Both squads gave their all and put on a memorable show. Tampa Bay, at the end of only their first season and already looking like a well-seasoned league, was overmatched but never gave up. Keep your heads high in Tampa Bay, you were beaten by the one of best!

The Minnesota RollerGirls’ season climaxed with a night full of some of the derby world’s sexiest skaters. The Championship Bout was full of hard rocking, skirt tearing mayhem. The evening’s action left everyone wishing the season would never end.

The third place bout lead off the night with the Atomic Bombshells facing the Garda Belts.

Decimated by injuries, the Atomic Bombshells were recruited a pair of enemy skaters from the Garda Belts to fill out their line up. In a shocking move, Cupcake and Head Trauma shed their green skirts and donned Bombshell uniforms for the last bout of the year.

Atomic Bombshell captain, Buffy The Vampire Skater, was thirsty for blood. Buffy took a bite out of the Garda Belts with blood chilling hits and evil looking take downs. She was a demon on wheels and put forth wild jams trying to put her team on top. The Garda Belts fired back with a wild skater of their own. The gray haired speedster, Rolls Wilder, wiggled her way through the pack and never looked back. She played to her adoring fans by blowing kisses with each lap as she distanced herself from the pack, scoring valuable points.

Chippy play soon flared tempers and the Garda Belts’ Ji Spot piled onto Bonnie Rotten and beat a sweet spot of her own into the feisty Brit. Not to be outdone, Rolls Wilder took down her former teammate and sister, Head Trauma, in a violent tumble that had the crowd on their feet.

The Garda Belts earned a hard fought victory as they defused the Atomic Bombshells for third place. This could have easily been the Championship Bout!

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The Championship Bout between the defending champion Dagger Dolls and the Rockits was the main event. The building shook as crowd favorites Jawbreaker of the Rockits met the Dagger Dolls’ Rebel Stella at the line. These two heart throbs battled back and forth, trading lead jammer positions in an even match-up of speed and agility. Jawbreaker used her muscle to assume the lead jammer spot and put the Rockits in the lead.

Momentum swung in favor of the Rockits when the Dagger Dolls’ jammer, Lizzy The Axe, was sent to the penalty box. The Rockits quickly racked up points without an opposing jammer to meddle in their affairs. With the Rockits steadily winning jam after jam, frustration set in on the Dagger Dolls. Dagger Doll Captain, Candi Pain, pled her case with the referee for a penalty call after being pulled down by a “dirty” Rockit. Meanwhile Lizzy The Axe was sent head first into the crowd at full speed by a booming hit from one of the Rockits.

Sayonara Pussy sealed the deal by taking down two Dagger Dolls with one hit, sending Rockits jammer Trixie Whipsum to the front of the pack to ice the cake on the Dagger Dolls’ season. In true RollerGirl fashion, Jawbreaker taunted Lizzy The Axe from the penalty box with each lap. Lizzy, exhibiting perfect RollerGirl etiquette, responded with a one-fingered salute to help the Rockits celebrate.

The Rockits proved they are worthy champions with an impressive performance. Congratulations to the new Golden Skate Champion Rockits! Rock On Rockits!

March Madness invaded The Roy Wilkins Auditorium Friday night. This madness had nothing to do with basketball; this was a madness of the Derby kind. The Minnesota RollerGirls took one last chance in the regular season to settle any outstanding grudges before the upcoming Championship bout.

In the opening jam, the Dagger Dolls sent Knocker Blocoff to the line to face Pattywack of the Garda Belts; they set the tone for the evening. The girls made it clear that the fans were going to get their money's worth tonight. The crowd was revved up by the time the Dagger Dolls' Rebel Stella took to the track. Stella, fueled by the frenzied cheers of the crowd, racked up 10 points on her first jam. Pattywack, an accomplished skater of her own, answered back with an 11-point jam to keep the score nice and tight. A constant serving of hip checks sent lace-laden divas into the front row from start to finish. Trackside seats were a dangerous place to be on this night!

The Rockits and the Atomic Bombshells took center stage in the next period. Velvet Hammer of the Atomic Bombshells dished out some heavy hits in an attempt to keep the Rockits' speedy jammers in check. But the speed and agility of the Rockits' Jawbreaker and Trixie Whipsum was just too much. The Rockits red glare left the Atomic Bombshells bursting in mid air as the Rockits ended the half in a commanding 62 – 30 lead.

The crowd opened the second half cheering for action and the girls did not disappoint. Marilyn Monrogue showed off her booty-banging prowess by sending the Garda Belts' Rumblebee tumbling into the crowd. The two teams traded blows right down to the final seconds. The Dagger Dolls managed to fend off the final assault of the Garda Belts and held on to victory by a score of 97 – 91. The luck of the Irish was not with the Garda Belts on this night.

The final period was a display of endurance by both the Rockits and the Atomic Bombshells. The girls put together a string of two-minute jams filled with non-stop skating and mind-blowing acrobatics. The Rockits, clinging to the hope of making it to the championship game, steadily added to their lead. The Atomic Bombshells sealed their own fate by sending two skaters to the penalty box with two minutes remaining, ending any chance at a comeback. To add to the Bombshells troubles, their captain, Buffy The Vampire Skater took a wicked spill in the final seconds. A gutsy effort by The Atomic Bombshells fell short as the Rockits cruised to a 127 – 79 victory.

The pairings are now set for the April 15th Championship bouts. The Rockits will try to dethrone the reigning Golden Skate Champion Dagger Dolls while the Garda Belts square off with the Atomic Bombshells for third place. April is the month for showers, so expect it to be raining Minnesota RollerGirls with lots of thunder and lightning!

DUST DEVIL NATIONAL TOURNAMENT RECAP
MN RollerGirls take FOURTH at the Dust Devil! The Minnesota RollerGirls' all-star team battled hard for three straight days of derby during the Dust Devil National Championship, the first-ever national roller derby tournament, and were proud to take home fourth place!

The Minnesota RollerGirls took fourth out of a field of twenty teams from around the country at the Dust Devil National Championship, the first-ever tournament of flat-track leagues, in Tuscon, AZ. The Minnesota RollerGirls team went undefeated in their seeding pool, which took place on the first day of the three day competition. The second day, when competitors were narrowed down to a field of 12, the MN RollerGirls (now seeded #3) had a bye during the first round and defeated the Kansas City Roller Warriors (#6) in a 120-79 win.

This brought the Minnesota RollerGirls to the final four competition up against the Tuscon Saddletramps for the first bout of the day. The girls lost this tough bout with a final score of 75-136 against the home team. And in one final bout for third place, the MN RollerGirls met up against the Arizona Roller Derby team and suffered their second loss of the tournament with a score of 88-115, giving them fourth place overall in the competition. Considering the talented and experienced field in the top three, we're very proud of our finish and we look forward to next year's championship!

Check out the results on all 20 participating leagues »