Minnesota RollerGirls - Flat-track, skater-owned roller derby league in the Twin Cities of Minneapolis/St. Paul

Seven weeks have passed since the Rockits retained their championship against the Garda Belts...and so with the fifth season over and done with, the women of the Minnesota RollerGirls have traded their colors for MNRG blue.

What? You thought there was an off-season? Well, we've news for you; results from the Fifth Annual Wheelies, scores from the MNRG all-star games, rumors of players retiring, and a quick report from a trip that the three Twin Cities leagues took to Duluth to support the newly-minted Harbor City Roller Dames.

The Minnesota RollerGirls has been playing for five years. Every year, the players, the fans, and the staff choose the best of the best; those players are recognized in a closed-door ceremony in May that we call the Wheelies. And fans of the MNRG, I can report that the winners of the 2008-9 Wheelies are:

ALL-LEAGUE AWARDS
(as voted upon by the players)

Most Valuable Minnesota RollerGirl: Suzie Smashbox
Rookie of the Year: Psycho Novia
Purple Heart: Savage Animal (in the championship bout, Savage Animal broke her leg in three places and is now on the road to recovery)
Most Improved RollerGirl: Diamond Rough
Hardest Hitter: Vuedoo Prodigy
Speed Demon: Roxanne Rolls
Best Attitude: Angelfire
Takes a Licking and Keeps on Ticking: (tie) Vuedoo Prodigy and Abbie
Mischief
PBR's RollerGirl of Honor: (tie) Ann E Briated and Scootaloo
The Towelie: Ice Pack
Most Charitable: Ursula Von Doom
Volunteer Lover: Suzie Smashbox
Head Trauma Legacy Award: Flora Flipabitch

The Golden Supporter: Daisy Dukes It Out (volunteer of the year)

FAN AWARDS

Favorite Jammer: Suzie Smashbox
Favorite Pivot/Blocker: Vuedoo Prodigy
Favorite Rookie: Jocelyn D'Jewels
The Lappy: Suzie Smashbox (RollerGirl you'd most like to fall in your lap)

TEAM AWARDS

Atomic Bombshells
Rookie of the Year: Diamond Rough
Team Spirit: Mitzi Massacre
Team MVP: Misfit Maiden

Dagger Dolls
Rookie of the Year: Psycho Novia
Team Spirit: Lydia Punch
Team MVP: Sparkle Ninja

Garda Belts
Rookie of the Year: Anita Spankston
Team Spirit: Citizen Pain
Team MVP: Suzie Smashbox

Rockits
Rookie of the Year: Trinity Knox
Team Spirit: Frau Scientits
Team MVP: Harmony Killerbruise

MNRG Reserves (The reserves are made up of veterans ready to be redrafted to teams as well as RollerGirls who have not yet been recruited by a league team.)
Most Improved Reserve: Ice Pack
Best Spirit - Reserve: Ursula Von Doom

REFEREE AWARDS
(voted on by the Leagues' referees)

Sugar and Spice Award: Citizen Pain
Not So Nice Award: Sparkle Ninja

STAT AWARDS
(presented by the staff based off of recorded statistics)

Best Pivot: Citizen Pain
Best Blocker: Honeydew Felon
Best Assister: Vuedoo Prodigy
Best Jammer: Jawbreaker

BEST ATTENDANCE (all players must meet minimum practice attendance requirements to play. These players went above and beyond.)

Best Attendance - Atomic Bombshells: Mitzi Massacre
Best Attendance - Garda Belts: Citizen Pain
Best Attendance - Dagger Dolls: Psycho Novia
Best Attendance - Rockits: Dudezilla
Best Attendance - Reserves: Ice Pack

FIVE YEARS OF DERBY (These players and volunteers have been with us since the very beginning.)
Barbie Brawl
Candi Pain
Cupcake
Glam Slam
Flora Flipabitch
Hanna Belle Lector
Jawbreaker
Lil Hellion
Lizzy the Axe
Lydia Punch
Mitzi Massacre
Norah Torious
Rebel Stella
Roxanne Rolls
Scotty Cruz
Wet Spot

Now, you may think that the Wheelies have been the only thing happening. Fans, let me give you the lowdown:

* The MNRG - represented by Frau Scientits, Mitzi Massacre, Honeydew Felon, and Diamond Rough - showed up for a special Saint Paul 'Drinking With Ian' taping on the 18th of April to talk a little derby. Watch for the episode on local Twin Cities televison...we'll keep you posted on broadcast dates. Diamond Rough's shoulder-blocking + Most Dangerous television host in the 612 = goodness. Thanks to Ian and the MNRG players and staff (Optimiss Crime, Brash, and Apron) who made this one happen.
* The MNRG All-Stars played their first away game of the 2009 season against Grand Raggidy Roller Girls of Grand Rapids, MI on April 25th. We beat our sister league 86-76 after a rather larger halftime lead of 37-8. According to players on the All-Star staff, the MNRG played a game based off of an evil 3-wide wall defense in the first half. Full credit to the Grand Raggidy players; they worked their way around the defense in the final thirty minutes as we fell into foul trouble...but we bounced back and took out the Michigan team for the final. The Derby News Network posted a damn fine bout recap of the match by our friend Rusty Wheeler.
* The Minnesota RollerGirls are part of the first wave of the resurrection of roller derby in the United States. As the years have gone by, we've sent our players to help out burgeoning leagues get a taste of competitive derby. Our All-Stars took a road trip on May 9th to Des Moines to play against the Mid-Iowa Rollers on their home turf. At the half, we were ahead 131-8; we ended up blowing them out, but not without some injuries; All-Star and Garda Belt Angelfire ended up with another setback in her quest to return full-time to the Roy's track; we wish her a speedy recovery. Get well soon, dammit.
* Players, staff, and fans from the Minnesota RollerGirls, the North Star Roller Girls of Minneapolis, and the Twin Cities Terrors (Minnesota's only male derby league) all took the short drive north to Duluth to support our sister league, the Harbor City Roller Dames over Memorial Day weekend. Fans, it was an utter blast. The TC Terrors put on a forty-minute bout, and damn, did they delivered. Watch in this coming season for the opportunity to see jammers like Whiplash, G.I. Skooldya, Wet Spot, and Peter take on the might of Husker Stu, Slam Serif, Wernher von Bombed, and the Man-Beast called 'Killsbury Doughboy;' our MNRG All-stars have been talking a lot about their scrimmages with this team of talented men and their few opportunities to show off their talent at the Roy doesn't even come close to telling the story of the Terrors. But the main event? Sixty minutes of derby from some of the best in the state. Almost half of the Bombshells as well as representatives from all of our teams showed for this match. Add to that some amazing play from the women of Harbor City (particularly Slapshot, who I'd pay money to draft to the Dolls) and a great showcase of talent from the North Stars (Kili St Cyr? Betty LaRude? Katarina Hit? Damn.), and it added up to a fantastic time in Minnesota's Northlands. We want to thank HCRD for having us up; the bout and afterparty was a great time to kick back and enjoy some damn fun derby. Also, Atomic Bombshells fans will have missed a great opportunity to see some of their players - Mae Gusta, L'Exi-Cuter, Mitzi Massacre, Diamond Rough, Supersonik, Hell N Ready, Chinese Takeout - play against one another. Try finding the pictures of Diamond sending a player flying through the air on a rough ride. I assure you that it'll be worth the Googling.
* There's change in the air. As of the Wheelies, a sizable number of RollerGirls are hanging up their skates or are stepping back to let new players take their spot. This next year will see a new draft; who will be next year's rookies of the year? It could be you. Check out the new 'recruitment' video on YouTube for the hell of it, but if you're seriously brave and damn gutsy enough to want join the MN RollerGirls, show up for tryouts on the 14th of June at 2pm at the Roy Wilkins Auditorium. It'll be four hours of hell that could change your life forever.

Watch for more updates as the summer progresses; the MNRG is working very hard on the North Central Regional tournament; we think it's going to be just about the best tournament that you've ever been to...and we want you there to enjoy it. Tickets are just about to go on sale.

Wondering how you missed some of the fun? As always, the MN RollerGirls website is the first place to go for an event, but you can also keep track of @MNRG on Twitter and the MNRG (and MNRG Fan Club) on Facebook for the very latest news.

Writing from the exact center of roller derby in America today,
-Garrison Killer

Featured Event

This incredibly popular and fun event is back for a third year! The day will include over 2 hours of roller derby drills, games, and fun led by your favorite Minnesota RollerGirls. No previous skating experience required! Open to ages 4-20; guardian must be present and safety gear (helmet, wrist guards, knee & elbow pads) ...

Go To Events

Featured Skater

Kim Jong Kill

Kim Jong Kill was created by a secret consortium of military scientists by combining DNA from Korean Tae Kwon Do prodigies and ancient Swedish Vikings. The goal was to create a Communist-fighting s...

Go To Profile

B2TV Streaming

Unable to attend the upcoming Minnesota RollerGirls events in person? You don't have to miss out on the action - all of this year's bouts will have high-quality live streaming courtesy of B2TV.

Events will be available for purchase ten minutes prior to the action beginning.

Live MNRG Derby

News

News Feed

MNRG Hometeam Bout 3 Preview

Before we start talking about these matches, a quick update from our ticket folks. Our non-Xcel/Roy/Ticketmaster outlets sold out as of Monday, but there are still plenty of tickets. However, if you know that you're coming a little later for this bout, why not pick them up this week at the Roy Box Office (open 10-6pm) or through Ticketmaster?

If you have tickets already, come early and get in line. While it's great that there are no bad seats in Minnesota's own House of Derby, the bout is going to be packed and that usual seat that you love might not be available if you don't show up a bit ahead of time.

Also, we are very pleased to announce a change in next year's schedule. We will be flipping the calendar so that the home teams will begin in October and the season championship ...

Full Article

MNRG Finals outlook 2010: by the numbers

Two bouts remain in the Minnesota RollerGirls season. The results from March's bout will determine who will compete to raise the coveted Golden Skate (currently held by back-to-back winners, the Rockits) and who will play for third. Right now, no team has confirmed their berth in the season championships...though two teams definitely have the edge right now.

For those unaware, the MNRG send the top two teams forward to the finals. In the case of a tie in W-L, the team with the top overall point differential (points scored on opponents - points allowed) gets the spot. Looking only at the numbers - the win-loss record and the points, not the personalities or the relative strengths of the teams - this is what your MNRG home teams must do to secure a spot at the jammer line for April...

Full Article

Rockits take Gardas 118-35

Sweet mercy, we sold out! Thank you to all of the fans who joined us for Saturday's bout; we scanned 4723 tickets...but considering all of the children that come to our bouts that go unticketed, Roy staff, and MNRG volunteers, it's very likely that the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium played host to 5,000 women, men, and children!

The extent to which this matchup was anticipated could not be underestimated. With the Gardas a game ahead of the Rockits at the start of the bout, the Gardas had an opportunity to shut the Rockits out of the season championship for the first time since the women in red rose from the ashes of the first season's Silver Bullets. Couple that with their sixty-point defeat at the hands of the Rockits in the last season championship, and you really have all of...

Full Article

Atomic Bombshells defeat Dagger Dolls, 63-38

Sweet mercy, we sold out! Thank you to all of the fans who joined us for Saturday's bout; we scanned 4723 tickets...but considering all of the children that come to our bouts that go unticketed, Roy staff, and MNRG volunteers, it's very likely that the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium played host to 5,000 women, men, and children!

The Atomic Bombshells entered this match with a 1-0 record; having narrowly defeated the Rockits in January, the Bombshells were looking for another win to firm up their championship berth in April. The Dolls were a game behind after a nine-point defeat by the Garda Belts and needed this win to reasonably seek the berth. With a three-game season before the finals, every point in every game counted...particularly in a season as close as this one.

The D...

Full Article

Saturday night turnout

We'd like to thank our fans for the HUGE turnout on Saturday night. We've never had to turn people away at the door before and that's both an exciting and sad moment for us. Exciting because we're happy and honored so many wanted to come out. Sad because we'd never want to have to turn people away. We hope that if you didn't make it in on Saturday, you'll come back March 6 for our next bout.

Full Article

Season 6, Bout 2 preview

On Saturday, diehard Minnesota RollerGirls fans and newcomers alike will rush the doors of the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium to watch the next step in the evolution of derby in the Land of 10,000 Lakes.

Our first home bout rocked the derby world as the Rockits - reigning two-time champions - were laid low by the Atomic Bombshells. The Rockits must now win Saturday's bout - a repeat match of last year's season championship against the Garda Belts - to control their destiny. The Dagger Dolls are in a similar fix; their seven-point loss to the Gardas in January means that they must win against a transformed Bombshell team to have a strong chance to acquire the Golden Skate. We'll talk more on the win-loss situation in a moment, but let's look at Saturday's games.

The Atomic Bombsh...

Full Article

Garda Belts beat back Dolly assault, 59-50

Last year's bottom-ranked Dagger Dolls took on the Garda Belts, (2009 runners-up), for this first bout of the new home season. There was expectation that this would be a high-scoring game as a bevy of Dolly speedsters took on Suzie Smashbox. It really was anything but that. Although the teams had less than five practices before this bout as the Dolls and as the Gardas, the close scores and the heavy reliance on delaying the jammer instead of knocking her out denoted a bout fought between two strong packs instead of a battle of star-wearing skaters.

After months of playing with one another on the MNRG All-Stars, Dolly #109 (Psycho Novia) skated next to her opponent Suzie Smashbox and took her stance at the jammer line. The jammers threw themselves forward, but Suzie boxed up Psycho's ...

Full Article

Set to maximum yield, Bombshells break Rockit streak, 78-76

For many fans of the Minnesota RollerGirls, the Rockits have always been the winners. They just win; they're the serious, hard-working, take-care-of-your-body kind of players that can tell you the ins and outs of the game as they outdrink you. If you started attending bouts in Season 4, you've never known anything different. On Saturday, the Rockits lost. More importantly, the Atomic Bombshells - under the leadership of Mitzi Massacre and Misfit Maiden - played a smart game and beat the back-to-back champions of the Minnesota RollerGirls in a match that brought the fans roaring to their feet.

Venus Thightrap - lately the prime pivot for the All-Stars - returned to her jammer roots for the Atomic Bombshells against Harmony Killerbruise for the first jam. As the jammers made their way ...

Full Article

Home Season Six preview: Dagger Dolls and Garda Belts

The handmade capes, the Robber outfits, the Supervillain shirts that were tragically not for sale...they're all gone. League mixers are the past and on Saturday, January 2nd, 2010, the Minnesota RollerGirls begin the home season. The road to the Golden Skate has been cleared, and every team awaits the first whistle on Saturday night. In this and the following preview, we will reintroduce you to the four teams of the MNRG and we'll look ahead to the upcoming home season.

Dagger Dolls:
Captain: Candi Pain #666
Co-captain: Sweet Justice #i4ni
Last won the Golden Skate: 2005
Colors: pink and black

We asked each team a set of questions; here is what Candi and Sweet Justice reported back:

Q How would you explain your team to a person who's never come to a bout?
...

Full Article

Home Season Six preview: Atomic Bombshells and Rockits

In the first preview of the upcoming home season, we asked the captains of the Dagger Dolls and the Garda Belts about their teams. We now turn attention to the other bout on January 2nd...Rockits versus the Atomic Bombshells.

Atomic Bombshells:
Captain: Mitzi Massacre #3
Co-captain: Misfit Maiden #313
Last won the Golden Skate: 2007
Colors: orange and lime green

We asked each team a set of questions; here is what Mitzi Massacre wrote:

Q How would you explain your team to a person who's never come to a bout?
A The Atomic Bombshells are confident but not cocky, skilled and athletic but real warm-hearted and spirited, individually strong but collectively bad-bleeping-ass. If you don't know we're the orange team, just loo...

Full Article